Monday, September 07, 2009

Van Jones' Resignation Letter (what he really thought)

I thought I'd give you the "behind the scenes" look at what ole Commie Van was really thinking as he drafted his resignation letter. Here's the quote of his letter, along with what I'll bet he wanted to say.

"I am resigning (I quit, dammit) my post at the Council on Environmental Quality, effective today ( today Saturday or Sunday? I want this to go out after the deadlines for the newspapers. The last thing I want to see on the front page of the Sunday NY Times is "Commie Resigned to his Fate").

On the eve of historic fights for health care (you thought HillaryCare was a fight? I was gonna show you a real fight...) and clean energy (yeah, like that's gonna happen), opponents of reform have mounted a vicious smear campaign against me (waaaaa...they even...waaaaa...quoted me!). They are using lies and distortions (and...waaaaa...FACTS!) to distract and divide (ok, what's 37 divided by 12...oh never mind...I can't divide anyway, so they might as well do it).

I have been inundated (last time I was in a date like this was 1975) with calls - from across the political spectrum (even Bob Beckel backstabbed me!) - urging me to "stay and fight." (or was it get on the next flight?)

But I came here to fight for others, not for myself (I know that's right...I got beaten up when I was a kid. Now I was gonna have a big ole budget to fight bullies with!). I cannot in good conscience (if I had one) ask my colleagues (those a**holes) to expend precious time and energy defending or explaining my past (hell -- I can't even 'splain it). We need all hands on deck, fighting for the future (I'm enlisting in the Navy, so I thought I'd try out that metaphor -- what for? I don't know...3rd base).

It has been a great honor to serve my country (and make that big salary) and my President (who even let me fly on Air Force One!) in this capacity. I thank everyone who has offered support and encouragement (I'll buy that one guy a beer...maybe Henry Gates and that cop will join me). I am proud to have been able to make a contribution to the clean energy future (by farting away my chance to serve). I will continue to do so (serve, that is, not fart), in the months and years ahead." (And I'm going to Rev Wrights church service now. I want to learn more cuss words than a-hole.)

(Fist Bump to Michelle!)

Why don't people talk plainly any more?

Picture credit to Getty Images

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